Career Change

At work, I use something called the Dictionary of Occupational Titles.  The DOT contains descriptions of every job you can think of.  In my line of work, it's used to determine whether an individual is able to perform the activities required of any given job.  Yes, it really is as interesting as it sounds and it doesn't make me want to gouge my eyes out in the least!

Today I was looking to see if they had "stripper" or "exotic dancer" because I was thinking about what would happen if a stripper was involved in a horrible pole sliding accident and wasn't able to work anymore.  This was not for a client, mind you, I was just curious.  While perusing through the job titles, I happened upon a few that really made me question my career choice.  Here are some of them:

• WEIGHT GUESSER Guesses weight of patrons at amusement park, carnival, or similar place of entertainment: Attracts attention of passing public, vociferously proclaiming game and skill. Scrutinizes patron's physique and makes oral estimate of weight. Invites patron to stand on scale or to sit in seat attached to industrial scale, usually forfeiting prize if weight guessed is not correct within 2 or 3 pounds. May demonstrate personal skill in guessing patron's age, occupation, home state, or other related pertinent data.

• BARKER (alternate titles: carney; spieler) Attempts to attract patrons to entertainment by exhorting passing public, describing attractions of show and emphasizing variety, novelty, beauty, or some other feature believed to incite listeners to attend entertainment. May conduct brief free show, introducing performers and describing acts to be given at feature performance.

• DUDE WRANGLER Performs combination of the following services for patrons of dude ranch to enhance guests' enjoyment: Saddles and unsaddles horses, adjusting equipment to accommodate each guest. Assists guests in mounting and dismounting. Plans itinerary of trips, taking into consideration wishes and preferences of guests, knowledge of terrain, and location of suitable campsites. Packs horses with supplies and provisions for extended or overnight trips. Entertains guests by singing, telling stories, or playing guitar or other instrument. Escorts female guests to dances and other social functions. May participate in rodeos provided by ranch management for entertainment of guests. May repair saddles.

• DECORATOR, MANNEQUIN Paints facial expressions on mannequins according to established standards, using artists' brushes and airbrush: Inspects mannequin heads to detect imperfections, such as scratches, chips, and cracks and discards defective heads. Mixes paint for eyes, brows, lips, and cheeks according to established formulas. Brushes paint on specified areas of mannequin to create lifelike appearance, using sample mannequin as guide. Applies paint to cheeks of mannequin, using airbrush. Measures and cuts eyelash strips, using rule and scissors. Attaches eyelash to mannequin, using pins. Sprays preservative coating on mannequin, using airbrush.

• CLOWN Dresses in comical costume and makeup and performs original or stock comedy routines to entertain audience. [Note: It says nothing about creeping people out, so I guess that's just left up to each individual clown to decide if they want to do it or not.  In my experience, they totally do.  See, also: Mime.]

• COMEDIAN Attempts to make audience laugh by telling jokes, delivering comic lines, singing humorous songs, performing comedy dances or walks, or facial contortions, wearing funny costumes, or resorting to any similar device to amuse audience. May do impersonations.  [I just keep imagining some poor comedian sitting in a cubicle and having their supervisor get on their back about not performing enough facial contortions this week and he'd better pick it up or Johnson's going to take home comedian of the month... again.]

• MIME Presents serious, humorous, or burlesqued interpretations of emotions, dramatic actions, and various situations through body movements, facial expressions, and gestures.

• THRILL PERFORMER Entertains audience at fairs, carnivals, and circuses by performing daredevil feats, such as diving from high diving board into tank of water, parachuting from airplane, or being shot from cannon onto net. May be designated according to specialty as Comedy Diver; Human Projectile; Parachutist.

• AMUSEMENT PARK ENTERTAINER Entertains audience in amusement park by exhibiting special skills. Designated according to specialty act performed as Fire Eater; Hypnotist; Organ Grinder; Phrenologist; Physiognomist; Snake Charmer; Sword Swallower. May be designated Side-Show Entertainer.

So, you might have noticed a theme in the jobs I picked out.  Yes, I once had a dream of being a circus performer.  Alas, I've painted myself into a corner with this whole "attorney" gig.  I never get to be shot from a cannon and whenever I try to guess people's weight, they just give me the hairy eyeball. 

Comments

[Roar]

Carrie, NEVER surrender the dream! Homer Simpson's employment in a nuclear power plant did not stop him from becoming: a Tomacco farmer, a carney who took bowling balls in the stomach (through which he got to meet the Smashing Pumpkins), a super spy, a fat man who plugged up a nuclear reactor which was about to blow, a sponsored climber of Mount Springfield (so much cooler than summitting K2 or Everest), A LEPER ... and that's just a fraction of his career choices. And he's not even real. Imagine what you could do because you ARE real. It gerbils the mind.

No one needs to know you are an attorney by day. You could be a steel welder by night and then work on getting into ballet school by showering on chairs in strip clubs.

Now get out there and create some magic!

[Pally]

But what about the strippers?!?!?! Is there a job description for stripper? After all that we must know if it is possible to become disabled from being a stripper.

[Carrie]

Sadly, no, I didn't find any listing for stripper. I found one for "show girl" and one for "dancer", so those would probably work. Maybe I should start handing out flyers at Trails just in case some of those girls pull a hammy or something and can't dance for a while? Poor things!

[sarah brown1979]

This is priceless. God, I love you.