sparkerly.com

I finally understand what all those Garfield comics were trying to say...

Or was it Cathy?  Ach!  I hate Mondays!  I won't go into details, but it has definitely been one of those days.  You know the ones I'm talking about.  The ones where your husband accidentally locks you out of your condo before you leave for work and you're stuck with your dog and no cell phone and no way to get into your car, which is parked on the street at a meter, so you end up walking with your dog to your office in uncomfortable (but cute!) shoes so you can call your husband and when you get to your office you start crying because you're super pissed and your boss sees you and kind of makes fun of you and the rest of your office starts to question your sanity and then you write a horrible e-mail to your usually wonderful husband and when he finally picks up his damn phone at work you're still kind of mad but you're calming down and by the time he gets to your office to pick you up, you feel really bad about sending a horrible email and you pretty much feel like a complete jerk because he totally didn't mean to do it, and even though it still kind of makes you mad, you have to just let it go because otherwise the next time you do something stupid, he'll have every right to totally write you a horrible e-mail.

Yeah.  That kind of day.  But now it's over!  And we're going shopping for our Halloween costumes where I will be trying to find a black and white shirt and beret to complete my "Disillusioned Mime" costume.  More details on that later and maybe a prize to anyone who can guess what that costume will entail (hint: there will be words regarding the suppresive nature of the "mime establishment.).

How do I say this delicately?

I hate The motherfucking Hills.  I am trying to surf my morning blogs and all I can hear in my office is people talking about last night's episode.  In case you're wondering, I work in a law office and not at Hot Topic or some kiosk in the mall that sells fake hair/handbags/weird crab "pets".  The people having this conversation are parents,  you guys.  They are raising the next generation of extremely superficial and vacuous Americans.  

Really, how much longer will I have to put up with these people?  And by "these people" I mean all people "starring" on The Hills and all people who actually watch and LIKE it.  I've almost completely stopped reading US Weekly and I have to skip every other post at Perez Hilton because they won't shut up about LC or Brody or Heidi or Spencer or BobbyDanny (what's that guy's name?) or Audrina.  It makes me want to cry that I even know their names.  I've never seen more than 10 seconds of any episode and I know them all.  Why???

I'm not trying to say that my taste in entertainment is superior to those people who like this show... No, actually I am.  That's exactly what I'm saying.

My Eternal Struggle

What should I be for Halloween?  I was telling Joel last night, after watching the debate, that we should go as Mr. and Mrs. Joe 6-Pack.  He suggested that he go as "Joe the Plumber" (which isn't some clever name for a mafia hitman, unfortunately) and I go as "Josephine 6-Pack".  I think maybe "Josephine Boxed-Wine" would be more "me", though. 

Just a few minutes old and already her father's embarassing her.

I'll bet she wishes she could crawl back into that nice, warm womb... and that her father wasn't a giant douche (or turd sandwich-- you decide).  Don't know what I'm talking about?  Read all about it here:

ELIZABETHTON, Tenn. -- A new father has secretly named his baby girl Sarah McCain Palin after the Republican ticket for president and vice president.

Mark Ciptak of Elizabethton put that name on the documents for the girl's birth certificate, ignoring the name Ava Grace, which he and his wife had picked earlier.

"I don't think she believes me yet," he told the Kingsport Times-News for a story to be published Tuesday. "It's going to take some more convincing."

Ciptak, a blood bank employee for the American Red Cross, said he named his third child after John McCain and Sarah Palin to "to get the word out" about the campaign.

"I took one for the cause," he said. "I can't give a lot of financial support for the (McCain/Palin) campaign. I do have a sign up in my yard, but I can do very little."

Brother.  Poor little baby. 

Riddle me this...

What has two thumbs and just found out she passed the NV bar?  CARRIE!!!!

Jesus, that is so nice to say!  Yay!!  Anyway: Carry on.

More Fall TV Nonsense

Hello, again, faithful reader.  This is a follow-up to my previous post about the new Fall television season.  My last post dealt with new TV shows that I had seen and liked or meh'd.  This one will deal, mainly, with shows that I think you should be watching because they are awesome.

First, for Melly, my thoughts on Kath & Kim.  I had high hopes for this show, but I have to say, I wasn't too impressed with it.  I am going to give it a couple of weeks because I think it might take that long for the actors to really get into the swing of things, but the first episode went over like a lead balloon in Carrie and Joel's house. Molly Shannon has never been my favorite, but she can be funny sometimes.  My main concern is Selma Blair because I honestly don't think she is smart enough or good enough to convincingly play dumb.  It is one of the hardest things to do and not everyone call pull it off.  The only reason Paris Hilton can do it is because she really is THAT DUMB.  Final verdict: the jury's still out.

It smells like burning...

It totally snowed this weekend.  SNOWED.  And Joel made me go walk around in it!  We have this conversation every year:

Joel: Hey!  Let's go outside for a walk.

Carrie: No.  It's cold and I don't like to walk in the cold because I get cold and I don't like being cold.  Cold is not as good as warm, which is what I'll be if I stay inside like a normal person.

Joel: Come on! It'll be great! We'll just bundle up!

Carrie: Um... ok, I guess. Maybe it will be ok if I have a scarf and stuff.

Up past my bedtime.

Last night my friend Jen and I went to the Weezer concert!  I usually don't go in for the acronyms but: OMFG!  It was so totally awesome!  I will write a full recap with pictures (prettygood ones because we were sooooo close!) but right now I'd like to tell you about the first time I saw Weezer in concert.

The year was 1997, the place was Club DV8 in downtown Salt Lake City.  When I say the club was kind of a dump, I'm being very kind.  Don't get me wrong, I loved DV8.  I was there every Friday night to dance at 80s night and to drink Dante's wonderful alcoholic concoctions.  I have many fond memories of that place, but it was not a place in which I'd ever want to go without shoes.  Perhaps even a haz-mat suit.  Ew.

DV8 was also a pretty small venue for a concert.  This was a GA show, standing room only, so my sister and I waited in line for a couple of hours before the doors opened.  We had gotten there pretty early and we had a pretty good view of the stage, but it was still hot and stuffy and I came pretty close to fainting a couple of times.  And did I mention that it was awesome?  Well, it. was. AWESOME.

The stage was small, so there was only enough room for them and their instruments.  There weren't any fancy lights or any other special effects.  They didn't really need it, though, because all they had to do was just play and we went crazy!  We were probably only about 10 feet from the stage and everyone down in the "pit" was "moshing." (Or what passes for it in Utah.  It's really more like hopping around with some pushing thrown in for good measure.)  One of the guitarists jumped up on a speaker and danced like you wouldn't believe.  They played a really good show and it cemented my love for Rivers Cuomo.  He's so wee!  And weird!  And wonderful!

Anyway... I didn't get home until after midnight and had a hard time falling asleep because I was so wound up.  This means I'm tarred and will likely spend a good hour or two staring at the wall in my office, which is only about 15 or so minutes more than I usually spend staring at the wall, so I guess maybe things won't really be that different. 

It's so nice to have a sugar daddy!

Of course, I contribute to our household income, but Joel is in charge of the money (and he's the only reason I have any money) and... HE DID IT!  On Friday, he bought me tickets to Neil Diamond (and pretty good seats, I think) so we're going!  Yay!!!  Well, ok.  When I say "he bought me tickets" it actually went a little something like this:

Carrie: Oh my god! 

Joel (temporarily turning away from The Dog Whisperer): What?

Carrie: I found a code to get pre-sale Neil Diamond tickets!  And it worked!  And the seats are actually pretty good!  Can we go? Canwecanwecanwecanwe?

Joel: Well... I don't kno-

Carrie: Squee!  I did it!  We're totally going!  I can't believe it! 

So, now you know that we stay at home on Fridays and watch The Dog Whisperer and that Joel is a saint who puts up with my lack of self control when it comes to making purchases on the internet AND my inability to listen to him when I get excited about making purchases on the internet.  Who has the best husband in the whole wide world?  Clearly, it's me.

They Always Come in Threes

I know that people usually say that bad things always come in threes, but this week I've just had weird things happening to me.  Well, two weird things to be exact.

First, I got a call from the office manager at the job I had right before I came to work here.  I haven't talked to her since I left, almost 10 months ago, so I immediately thought that I had royally f'ed up somehow and they were calling me to try to figure out what the hell I had done.  Not exactly.  She had just called to ask if I wanted to come to the office party they were having up in one of the canyons today.  That's it.  I really liked working at that office and everyone was really nice, but... it just left me really confused. 

Second, I was unlocking the door to our condo a couple of days ago and, right as I opened the door, a moth fell from the door jamb and straight down the front of my v-neck sweater.  I freaked out a little bit because I haaaaaate moths to begin with, and I most especially hate them when they are trying to set up shop in my shirt.  Well, I did my best to get it out by hopping up and down and going "ew-ew-ew-ew-ew-ew" while flapping my shirt around.  I didn't see anything come out, but I thought it must have just flown away and I didn't see it.  But it kept bothering me.  Then, later, when I told Joel about it, I started feeling around inside my bra (which, I don't know how you wear a bra, but I wear mine right next to my skin) and I touched something that was most definitely not anything that I would usually find while rooting around in my bra.  Crumbs?  Sometimes.  Joel's hands?  Every time I goddamn turn around.  But this?  This was a dirty, dirty MOTH that had been kicking it in MY BRA next to MY LADY LUMPS.  AAAAAHHHHHH!  It sends shivers down my spine just talking about it!

And now I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.  What will it be?  Is one of the skinless bodies from the museum exhibit next door going to come over and ask to borrow a cup of sugar?  Will I meet Paris Hilton and find that she's actually not as horrible as she seems to be and we actually have a lot in common?  Oh, god, let it be the skinless corpse.