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Here's a funny tidbit:

Drinking mimosas at lunch while at work is NOT a good motivator.  As if I had any motivation today to begin with, that little tipple at lunch pushed me right into a level of productivity that Paris Hilton would be ashamed of.  Yaaaaaaawn.

I'm not a huge fan on NYE.  It just seems like a holiday where people are so hellbent on having fun that it becomes almost like a chore to me.  Don't get me wrong!  I like going to the parties and seeing my friends and celebrating the fact that I have drag-assed my way through another year.  HOWEVER, as you all likely know, I'm a hermit at heart and the strict confines of pants that don't stretch start to wear me out around 8:30, which, unfortunately, is when all the cool kids are getting their parties started.

Last year we went to a NYE party thrown by very dear friends of ours whom we love so very much and we ended up leaving around 10:30 and were in bed by the time the fireworks went off just a few blocks from our house.  Is that lame?  Oh, most assuredly!  But that's just me!  I'm not the girl I once was: one who did not leave to go out on a Friday night until 10:00 PM; one who could stay out until far past midnight and still wake up the next morning feeling like she could accomplish something other than watching a Lifetime Movie Marathon; one who relished the chance to go to Wendover (our very own gambling paradise just 1.5 hours away on the Nevada/Utah border) on the "fun bus" and not get home until 5 in the morning and still be able to go up to the hospital a few hours later to see her newly born niece.

So, this New Year's doesn't seem to be shaping up any differently than last year's.  I have a feeling we will make an appearance at our party and then take leave at an unacceptably early hour so I won't turn into some kind of super-bitchy pumpkin.  Believe me, everyone will be better off.

In any case, I wish each and every one of you a very happy new year.  I'm sure that 2009 will be full of very exciting things like births and a certain blogger who will be moving into a NEW (to her) HOUSE in February.  That is, if she can ever get the damn bank to answer their damn phone.  GOD!  Looks like I've already taken care of the "super-bitchy" part, huh?  Go figure!  It's not even 4:00.  That's got to be some kind of record for me.

Happy Christmas, everyone!

From everyone here at Sparkerly, we hope you all have a wonderful Christmas (or whatever holiday you like)!  Just for fun, I think I've found the only known picture of Mrs. Claus, which I found while cleaning out my camera's memory card.

   

Merry Christmas, Bitches!

Christmas = Gettin' Crafty

So, every year around this time, I get the craft bug.  Last year I taught myself how to knit and crochet and I made a couple scarves that are now keeping the floor of my car very warm.  This year, I have been preoccupied with other things (Nazi Zombies) so I haven't really done anything-- but expect that to change in 5-7 days.  Well, probably more like 10 because in 7 days we will be celebrating the birth of Our Lord and, for some reason, the post office thinks they can take some days off.  Whatever mailman.

Anyway, this year I got one of my friends a book for Christmas called "Subversive Cross Stitch" and it looked like fun.  I mean, who wouldn't want this hanging on their wall?

 

This ain't your Granny's sampler.

So I went over to the author's website and ordered me some patterns.  This won't be my first time in the cross stitch rodeo, either.  Oh, no!  I have a long history of beginning cross stitch projects and then getting about halfway through them only to put them down, never to pick them up again.  However, I am ever hopeful that I will be so enamored of these patterns that I see them all through and will have some nice homey craft pieces to hang in our (as yet to be found and/or bought) new home.

What crafts do you like to start and then never finish?  I really want to know, you guys!

What the Bloody?: Christmas Edition

I have been very "busy" (read: lazy) as of late and have not actually gone to any actual stores to purchase Christmas gifts. Instead, I've been getting them all from Amazon because I can get free two day shipping as I am a member of Amazon Prime.  Actually, ordering from Amazon serves two purposes: assisting me with my attempt to stay out of the mall during Christmas shopping season AND showing Joel that it was totally worth the $80 I had to shell out to become a member of Amazon Prime to begin with.  (JOEL PLEASE DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING SENTENCE: it was probably totally not worth it, but I won't be admitting that to my husband any time soon.)

Today, as I was looking for presents for my two 5-year-old nephews, I came across this little peach in the 5-7 year old TOY section:

 

You might be asking yourself, "What, pray tell, is this?"  Well, friends, this is a "Marshall Mathers Slim Shady Show Eminem Head Knocker."  This is a real thing.  Here is the link to its info on Amazon.com.

You might still be asking yourself, "Um... so, what the hell is this, exactly?"  The manufacturer says this:  "The new marshall mathers slim shady eminem bobble head knocker #2 doll by neca and is made of heavy thick resin, the eminem bobble head is highly detailed and stands 8 inches tall and is an awesome collectible! "

Ok, then.  It's a bobblehead doll of Eminem/Slim Shady.  I can see where, somewhere, there is someone who might want this item in their Christmas stocking.  Who?  Can't really say.  I can tell you who shouldn't be getting this: ANYONE WHO IS BETWEEN THE AGES OF FIVE AND SEVEN YEARS OLD.  Really, Eminem is most definitely not for children what with his constant references to drugs and sex and bitches and hos and his threatening to kill and/or rape his ex-wife and any other number of things to which children between the ages of 5 and 7 should probably not be privy.

Am I wrong?  If I was a parent and someone gave this to my 5-year-old, that person would probably leave with it shoved up their behind.  Have you ever received, or know someone who has received, a wholly inappropriate gift?  Do you think that someone would see this in the 5-7 year old toy section on Amazon and say to themselves, "Yeah, that looks like a great gift for a kindergartner!"?

You know how you feel when you get out of bed in the morning?

And your knees and ankles and various other joints are popping and locking and it sounds like someone's started working away at a bunch of bubble wrap in your bedroom?  No?  That's just me?  Well, believe me, it's kind of amazing.

Now let's get down to brass tacks here, people: I'm busy at work.  Seriously.  Busy.  I have had probably the busiest month since I've been here and I'm not too fond of it, ok?  I don't have time to look at my favorite blogs.  I don't have time to check my e-mail every 30 minutes.  I don't have time to SHOP FOR UNNECESSARY SHOES!  Oh, the humanity, you guys.  What is UP with that?

The upside to this is that I am learning a ton about how to do my job better and the days go by fairly quickly.  The downside is that I am tired from thinking all day, so I all I want to do is drink wine and kill zombies.  Nazi Zombies.  (Joel got the new Call of Duty game a few weeks ago and we just unlocked the Nazi Zombies part of the game wherein you get to, you guessed it, kill Nazi Zombies.  It's pretty sweet.  And scary!  The first time I played it, whenever the zombies got near me I'd scream like an actualzombie was trying to eat my brains, which actually happened a lot because I suck at shooting zombies.  I'm surprised we didn't get any complaints from neighbors because it was after 10:00 PM, when any god fearing-person should be in bed (unless they are saving the world from Nazi Zombies).) 

So now you know my dirty little secret.  I am not a zombie killing machine.  Also, I have become one of those people whom I have historically looked upon with pity and disdain: a person who enjoys their job (for the most part) and wants to actually work instead of trying to find ways to look like they're working when, in actuality, they are reading erotic stories about Smurfs.  You know, Smurf Smut.  I'm sure there's some of that out there.  People are weird.  And gross.

Things are bound to settle down, though, because as I get better at my job, it won't take me a bajillion years to do something that should only take 5 minutes, right?  Also, I'm getting better at "delegating", which is really just fancy talk for pushing my shit off on other people so I have more time to stare at the wall-- I mean, think of interesting things to blog about.  Once I get that down, I'm sure I will be back to posting more than once a week.  I swear!  Honest!

PLUS, I'm going to get a Blackberry Storm from Christmas!  For reals!  I'm so excited!  Once I have that, I can blog from anywhere!  Imagine the possibilities!  You will get so sick of me that all 10 of you who read this blog will be like, "Shut UP already!  Jesus!  Nobody cares that you just saw a cloud that looked like a cotton ball!"  And then you will know how Joel feels EVERY DAY.  

Until then, I'm going to give you a couple of things to think about.  First: Why do they put UN-stretchy lining in clothes that are made to have a bit of stretch in them (like, say, a suit jacket, for example)?  Second: I'm getting a retractable phone cord today and this excites me greatly.  I repeat: I am excited to be receiving a retractable phone cord.  Is this normal?  Probably not, but I am excited nonetheless.