Yeah, I'm watching Matlock right now. That's reason Numero Uno! Yes, Matlock was popular with old ladies in 1986, and now it's popular with ancient ladies who are lying in their hospital beds yelling at the nurse to "Turn up the volume because Ican't hear the Matlock and also change my diapers!" But, it's also popular with me! So popular, in fact, that I don't tell my DVR to record the series, I search for each episode and manually record it. Now, before you ask, I don't know why I love Matlock. It just IS. Like the moon, or Kim Kardashian's ass (which can be the same thing under certain circumstances). Hey-Oh!
Another reason I'm weird tonight is because I ate cheese for dinner. I went to a lawyer thing after work and they had some finger-foods, but not the good kind (like chicken fingers). They had some weird potatoe tarte squares with red pepper something and nut-stuffed dates (totally not what it sounds like. They are actual dates with some kind of nut stuffed inside. What?) wrapped in bacon. Ok, so, first of all, BACON. Secondly, I didn't know there were nuts in there and I thought I broke a tooth! False alarm: it was some kind of nut.
But back to the cheese: so I came home from the thing and I thought, "I'm going to make some bacon for dinner." Then, when I went to get the bacon from the fridge, I saw my cheese and I was like, "Hmmm... cheese or bacon?" Guess what I chose? CHEESE! Sorry for any of you who bet on bacon. Normally that is a 100% sure thing, but cooking bacon tonight was just not in the cards. I hope you didn't lose too much. Who eats cheese for dinner? Toddlers and Carrie, which, incidentally is an awesome name for a new show on TLC.
Ok, so here is what I originally set out to write about: I'm weird because I don't like people I don't know. Or, more specifically, I don't like when people I don't know think that they know me. For example, I don't like when I go somewhere enough that people know what I'm going to order before I do it. One time, a cashier at the liquor store said, "Have a nice day, Carrie" and I didn't go back to that store for more than six months. I don't even think she actually knew my name; she got it from my drivers license. But just the thought that she knew me scared me enough to hide from her for six months! I still avoid her line when I go there!
I don't know why this bothers me so much. I suppose it's part of my social anxiety. I don't like to stick out. I just want to blend in and make sure that the only people who know my bidness are people I want involved in my bidness. Even if it's just a barista at Starbuck's knowing that I want a carmel macchiato. Just let me order my sugary coffee drink and go! I don't want to talk to you about your children when I pick up my prescription! Yes, I see you like a million times a month, but just act like you don't know that I'm taking crazy pills!
This might come as a surprise to my friends, because I do seem very outgoing. But I HATE meeting new people because I'm so horrible at small talk! I'm so awkward and I feel like people don't get me, and then I'll say something that seems really strange and everyone is like "....." Also, did I mention I'm awkward? Because I am. Joel thinks this is really funny. Not like in a "HAH!" way, but in a "I have married a crazy person" way. Sucks to be Joel!
So, if you don't know me and you see me on the street, just walk on by. And, yes, I realize that I will have no way of knowing whether people know who I am, but are honoring my request to ignore me, or whether they are just people who don't know me. We're just all going to pretend that you don't know me and we'll call it good, ok? Ok!
Unless I'm drunk. Because then I'm awesome and I'll talk your ear off about shit you don't care about and it won't matter because: it will be awesome and you will love it. And then, the next time we're at a party, you'll come up to talk to me and I'll talk about the last episode of Matlock I saw, and you'll think I'm weird.