You can't handle this reality

For the past little while, my boss has been trying to convince us that our office should be the subject of a reality show.  Now, keep in mind that this likely could not happen due to that whole Attorney-Client privilege problem, stupid rules of ethics.  BUT if you could find a way around that, I think it would be a bigger hit than Jersey Shore. 

Sure, we aren't buff or tan or Italian (but, to be fair, most of those meat heads on that show aren't Italian, either) or on steroids or borderline retarded, and none of us wears Ed Hardy or pretends to "write books".  However, what we can bring to the table is this: Shitloads of crazy.  Not the bad kind of crazy, the awesome kind.  Now, don't get me wrong; I LOVE my office and everyone in it.  But I think we have just the perfect amount of crazy reality-show archetypes that would make it a hit.

• Sassy African American Woman: Being in Utah, African Americans are in short supply, so this might be a problem.  However, we do have other sassy people in our office that could handily fulfill this requirement.


• Young and Naïve: We do have our fair share of very young people working in the office.  There are people here who were born in 1989 and 1990, when I was a freshman in high school.  If you think I didn't go home and weep when I found out about this, you would be mistaken.  In any case, they are really sweet girls and I think they would be able to counter-balance the cynical and sarcastic nature of some people (named Carrie) in our office. 


• Party Animal: I believe we have a few of these in the office, too.  Listening to their exploits makes me want to go to the tired hospital.  However, it also reminds me of when I was younger and could start getting ready to go out at 10:00 AT NIGHT.  It might help in their portrayl of these roles if we allowed them to start drinking at work.  While bad for productivity, I think it would be reality-television gold.


• Drama Queen: I can honestly say that this is one reality show character that, luckily, we don't have to put up with much in our office.  But here's the thing: there are seven attorneys working here.  Seven attorneys who are mostly very well-balanced and rational people.  There are times, however, when one or more of the attorneys freaks out over something they perceive to be a huge deal (whether or not it actually is (hint: it's usually not)) and unfortunately for all involved, we can get a little drama-queeny.  So, yeah, I think we got that part covered.


• Peacemaker: She is the consummate professional, handling all comments and complaints with such diplomatic aplomb that she makes Gandhi want to punch her in the face.  Luckily, we have a couple such people in our office and they make the drama-queeny moments that we might experience a little less difficult. 


• Smartass: This character would be one we have in spades here around our office.  We are seriously funny people.  I like to think, though, that I am the smartassiest of the bunch.  I have no doubts that I would be our office's break-out star; our Snooki, as it were, but with less hair, a more natural skin tone, less bling, breasts that are proportionate to my body, no STDs, and a brain.  I'm not saying this to be conceited or anything, but, I mean, come on!  I'm delightful!  I would have to watch my mouth, though, because I can bring the swears at work like you wouldn't believe.

All in all, I think we can do it! How much worse could it be than the Real Housewives of New Jersey, or Jerseylicious, or any other reality television show set in New Jersey.  Or those cake shows.  What's that about?  I think the only thing we are missing is a midget and, believe you me, I am working on that.

Comments

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