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Thunderstruck

Dudes, I saw Tropic Thunder this weekend.  If you haven't seen it yet, you MUST GO NOW!  I should have immediately left the movie and gone home to write down everything I liked about it because now all I can really remember is just laughing my a-s-s off for 2 hours.  Ok, not exactly.  Here are a few choice nuggets that I can remember (but I will try not to give too much away because I don't want to ruin it):

• The fake trailers and commercial at the very beginning.  So awesome and so funny.
• The cameos and other amazing casting coups:  Steve Coogan (who you also MUST SEE in Hamelt 2-- Don't wait!  Go now!), Nick Nolte, Matthew McConaughey, Bill Hader, Jay Baruchel, Tom Cruise... which brings me to my next point:
• Tom Cruise.  Oh my god, you guys.  I had heard that he was amazingly funny, but I had no idea.  He was f-ing brilliant.  Perhaps he was able to be so funny because he wasn't technically himself; after all, he was unrecognizable in all that make-up.  Whatever it was, it worked.  I completely lost it when he and Bill Hader started dancing around to Flo Rida's "Low."  For me, that was the best part of the entire movie. 
• The "full retard" conversation between Robert Downey, Jr. and Ben Stiller.  Controversial?  Yes.  Politically incorrect?  Most definitely.  Hilarious?  Awwww yeah.
• Robert Downey, Jr. and his mad acting skillz.  I am a little biased, though, because I love RDJ and I want to mate with him.  If I had a list of the 5 people I could blahblahblah, he would be sandwiched right between Peter Krause and some unholy combination of Michael Phelps, Jon Stewart, and Tina Fey.  Wait... hold on a second.... oh my.
• Tiny Chinese kid stabbing Tugg Speedman in the back.
• Simple Jack and his head movies that make his eyes rain.

Speaking of eye rain, I cried no less than 4 times during this movie.  Which I think is really the best descriptor of how funny it actually was.  Prior to this, the most I had ever cried in a movie was 3 times during Old School.  This was a record that I thought would never be broken, but Tropic Thunder did it.  AND HOW!  So, you could say, that Tropic Thunder is to comedy as Michael Phelps is to Olympic records.  Or, you know, that it's a really funny movie and you should really go see it and shit.

I just can't get enough.

Last night I got to go to dinner and a movie with two very good friends.  We saw "Son of Rambow" which was very good!  I had heard that it was a remake of First Blood, except with kids.  While that would have been totally awesome, that's not really what the movie was about.  It was about a little boy, Will, who is trying to deal with the death of his dad and being the odd man out because his family is part of a religious group called "The Bretheren", so he has to do things like leave the room when they watch TV in class because his family doesn't watch TV. 

He becomes friends with another kid, who is trying to make a movie for a TV contest, and they end up starting to make a movied called "Son of Rambow," which, at the beginning, consists of the two little boys by themselves.  Later on, more and more people hear about it, including a French foreign exchange student who was the epitome of 1980s New Wave Eurotrash (think a mix between Flock of Seagulls and Robert Smith with a dash of Depeche Mode), and the whole thing just goes out of control and the non-religious kid gets mad at the religious kid because he's acting all hoity-toity with the Frenchman and whatnot.  Then the non-religious kid saves the religious kid and gets hurt in the process and then they become friends again at the end. 

I could be a little more detailed but (1) I am not a movie critic and (2) I'm tired.  I will say that my favorite part were the scenes where the younger kids were hanging out with the older kids and they were playing Siouxie, and Depeche Mode, and the Cure, and Duran Duran.  There were scratch and sniff stickers, and those smelly erasers, and pop rocks which they were eating WITH SODA and they didn't explode!  You guys, I'm telling you, the '80s were filled with rainbows and unicorns and awesome music.  Those were the days, my friends.  Those were the days. 

On my ratings scale, it was a "I would have liked it even if I hadn't been a little tipsy."  That means you should go see it or put it on Netflix or rent it from Blockbuster Video or however it is that you see movies.  BONUS: all the kids in it are British, so they have those cute accents and if you don't want to go to England immediately and have babies so they talk like that, then you have no soul.

Ok, please don't hate me for this...

but I didn't love the Sex and the City movie.  Don't get me wrong!  It was exactly what I expected it to be.  It had some very funny parts and very touching parts (that sounds dirty, but it's totally not, you perv!), but overall it was just ok for me, dawgs.  My rating for this movie: meh.  (Just for your information, "meh" is part of my comedy film rating system and is a notch above "snooze" and a couple below "pee pants.") 

The first problem I had with it (and with the show, really) were the clothes.  There were so many times during the movie that the clothes were just so ridiculous that it completely took me out of the story and drove me into having an aneurysm-ville.  Like that big ass flower (even bigger and assier than the ones on the small screen version) on Carrie's dress at the beginning, or the fact that Carrie was shown wearing a bead necklace to bed in at least two scenes.  All I could think was that it would get all tangled up in her hair and how would she get it out and it was totally distracting!  Some of the clothes were fantastic (mostly Charlotte's) and didn't make me want to hunt down Patricia Field and vomit all over her to see if she'd somehow try to turn it into the next fashion trend.  I wouldn't put it past her.  Mostly, though, the clothes were not my favorite.

The second problem was that I think I sprained my eyeballs because of the constant rolling brought on by some of the crap they were saying.  Again, this was also a problem I had with the show sometimes.  I think they just try a little too hard to make things funny?  They use a lot of puns?  I don't know.  It might be less the writing than the delivery in some cases.  For some reason, everything that Kim Cattrall says just sounds played and like she's completely overacting it.  Again, there were some lines and dialogue that were great and perfect, but too often it was just not my cup of tea.

Thirdly, the length.  It was over two hours.  Two hours and 15 minutes.  That's about 45 minutes too long.  This would have been fine if there had actually been that much story to fill it, but there wasn't.  Like, for example, the Jennifer Hudson storyline.  It felt completely superfluous and tacked on.  I understand that it was meant to move the story forward, but it was so obvious that that was the only reason it was included that it made it difficult for me to care.  

Which brings me to my final problem, I think they wasted a lot of talent in not using the supporting characters more.  For example, I love Jennifer Hudson.  I was very sad when she was voted off American Idol and I cried (CRIED) with joy and pride when she won the Oscar.  So, I was disappointed to see how she was underutilized.  This goes for Candice Bergen, Mario Cantone, Willie Garson, and Evan Handler.  I know that the movie was about Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda, but isn't there a way to work some good stuff in there for the other great actors and comedians who helped to make the show so wonderful?  Really?  Instead of showing Samantha's neighbor screwing his way through the fake boob brigade, maybe they could have written something great for Stanford Blatch.  It seems more like these people were accessories, like Carrie's shoes and bags, instead of characters that actually have something to add to the story.

I understand why the show was so popular and why the movie has done so well.  I think that the show was great and funny and I enjoyed watching it.  For me, though, the movie was just too much of a good thing.  However, take everything I've said with a grain of salt because I am, after all, the girl who has admitted to loving "Undercover Brother."  So, my opinion shouldn't count for that much.

Maybe It's the Gin, but...

I love "Undercover Brother."  Have you seen it?  It's SO GOOD, you guys.  I've seen it a few times and I don't think it stops being funny.  Really.  There are so many things about it to love, I defy you to watch it and not pee your pants.  Well, maybe it's not pee-pants funny, but it's definitely funny enough that you think you might pee your pants, which is really saying something.

One reason to love it is over there to the right. If you don't know who this is, you should be ashamed of yourself!  That's Rick James, bitch!  Ha ha ah.  Just kidding.  Of course, that's Dave Chappelle!  He's high-larious, if you get my meaning, and I think you do.  No?  Well, I think he might like to smoke the weed.  Shhhhh.  It might be a secret! 

Just as an aside, my friend Sarah gave one of our friends Rod this t-shirt, which I promptly stole and wore for the rest of his party.  (Remember, I am a horrible friend.  At least I didn't take it home with me.)  The t-shirt looked a lot like this:

Is that not the most awesome t-shirt ever made?  I hope you think so, because I just bought one.  Just let this serve as a warning: Never Drink and Shop on the Internet.  It is the main reason I have a home canning kit in the other room.  One that I have never used, but I really, really thought it would be a good idea because I could make all sorts of jams and jellies and pickles and salsa... and it's still in the box.  I have every intention of canning some spicy asparagus spears any day now!  Won't you be jealous when you don't get one for your birthday or in your Christmas stocking?  No, you probably won't because I'm sure I'll have more than enough to go around.  Just e-mail me!

Yes.  So.  Undercover Brother: It's funny!  Please put it on your Netflix (and if you don't have Netflix you're a lost cause. I can't help you.).  It has Neil "Doogie" Patrick "Howser" Harris in it-- and he's so good!  I think he has the absolute best scene in the whole movie wherein he freaks out because someone called him a sissy and then he kicks some a-s-s.  It's so good.  And, by the way, he's on that show "How I Met Your Mother" and he's really funny on that, too.  So it wasn't a fluke!

Yes, it's full of stereotypes, but don't we all enjoy a good stereotype every now and again?  I think that's why I, a very white woman, find it to be so humorous.  Undercover Brother is black and he likes orange soda and he has an afro.  I get that.  That's funny.  Dave Chappelle's character is always talking about how the white man is keeping the black man down.  Black people don't like mayonnaise, they love fried chicken, and they put hot sause on everything.  Everyone knows that!  It's UNIVERSAL, people!

And, ok, Denise Richards is in it; but she plays a character they call "White She-Devil."  That's awesome.  Also, Chris Kattan plays a character named "Feather."  Sweet.  Then, at the end, Undercover Brother and Feather have a great fight scene in which they stomp and pelvic thrust their way through "Beat It."  And, yes, it was as awesome as it sounds.

Better late than never.

I watched three movies this weekend, which is, like, 300% more movies than I've watched in about 6 months.  Seriously.  I used to go to the movies every week, but we usually just Netflix our movies now.  This is due to a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that I have come to the point where I just want to kill people in theaters because they are SO RUDE!  Talking loudly, taking phone calls, kicking my seat, bringing their kids to non-kid movies... they just drive me bonkers.  I could go on, but I'm sure you feel me.  Gah!

Lately, though, we've even been getting movies on Netflix and just... not watching them.  Technically, I guess we are "watching" them in that we are watching dust gather on them from not touching them for weeks after we get them.  It's like throwing money right down a rat hole.  But I don't care!  I'm too lazy to both go rent movies at an actual store AND then have to go all the way back there to return them 5 days later.  Hell, I can't even return my library books on time and I might as well live in the library for how close we are to it.  But I digress.

So, here they are, in no particular order.  Ok, the order I saw them in:

"Gone Baby Gone."  I really liked it.  Yes, it was depressing. But it was also well written, well acted, and, surprisingly, well directed.  I thought that Ben Affleck did an excellent job, but I also think that he was working with very high caliber material and he was able to get an amazing cast to bring it to life.  If he had screwed it up, I'd tell him to stick to what he's good at: making adorable babies.  But, it was very interesting and engaging and I even paused it when I left the room, which is more than I can say for a lot of movies I watch.

"The Golden Compass."  This might surprise you, but I don't like fantasy novels or movies.  Basically, if something has talking animals, I know it's not for me.  The one exception to this rule is Harry Potter, but I don't think I'm alone in that.  Ooo!  Or Star Wars. Everyone likes Harry Potter and Star Wars and if you don't then you are (1) crazy and (2) lame.  You probably smell, too!

ANYway, this movie was better than I thought it would be.  The one thing I really liked about it was Nicole Kidman's hair and wardrobe.  I thought she looked fabulous!  She also had a creepy monkey as her "daemon," which apparently represented her soul.  I want an awesome monkey-soul, too!  Can I get those at Target? 

The things I didn't like about it were that it didn't have enough of my boyfriend Daniel Craig and the talking bears.  One funny thing is that I thought one of the places in the movie was named "Ballbanger" and I was like, "This is a kid's movie?"  When I asked my lady-friend about it, she told me it wasn't "Ballbanger," but I choose to believe differently.

And, finally, "Superbad."

First, I have to confess that I was probably going to like this movie no matter what because I have a burning love for Michael Cera that can not be extinguished by anything.  Of course, he will always be George Michael Bluth to me.  And if you don't know who that is, I command you to watch all 3 seasons of "Arrested Development" forthwith!  I have spoken!

So, I thought this movie was absolutely hilarious.  I love it.  It was one of my Valentine's Day presents from my wonderful husband (other present was Talledega Nights-- both on BlueRay!  My husband understands that I am basically a 13-year-old boy on the inside and, thus, my taste in movies is accordingly awesome) and I am glad that he bought it even though we hadn't seen it before. 

Jesus, you guys!  It's so funny!  I love that Seth Rogen wrote it with his BFF and it was basically about themselves in high school.  I love that Bill Hader is in it!  He's fantastic on SNL and he was awesome in this, too!  That kid who plays McLovin is pretty great, too.  Hee!  I love the sihlouette dancing at the beginning!  It made me want to go out and buy alcohol for minors, which I think was really the message they were trying to send, right?  Basically, it was awesome and I love it and want to have its babies.

And that, my friends, is all!  I'm sure it will be another six months before I see another movie, but I'm toying with the idea of starting a weekly feature wherein I watch a Lifetime movie and review it for you.  I know you've been dying to hear my take on "Mother, may I sleep with danger."  Admit it!  No thanks necessary!  It's really my pleasure!