Over the past year and a half, I have had so many people ask me why I've stopped blogging. (Ed. note: really, it's just been like 3 people who have asked me, like, two times each.) Well, the biggest factor in my not blogging is laziness. I'm not ashamed to say that I'm a fairly lazy person. I know this. My husband definitely knows this. Do I get up and go to work every morning? Yes. Do I wear clothes that actually require both buttons AND zippers? Mostly. When I get home from work, do I put on my pajamas and watch television until it's time to go to bed? No... well, not all the time. It depends upon what time I get home, really. (Let's take last week as an example: Wednesday, I got home at around 4:45 p.m. and put on a comfy skort until it was time to put on the jam-jams. Thursday: I got home at around 8:00 p.m. and I put on my pajamas immediately upon walking through the door.) So, we've established that I'm one lazy mother-trucker.
Secondly, this past year has been one of great upheaval in my life. I moved to a new firm with two of the partners from my previous firm. This has been a good move-- no, this has been an AMAZING move, one which has increased my quality of life and work. However, this also has meant a lot of energy-sucking drama (at the beginning) and I'm just getting to the point where I'm comfortable writing about it for all the world to see. Perhaps this will be a topic of another blog.
Additionally, in 2012 I have noticed that I am completely falling apart physically and, somewhat, mentally. In early February I had a grand-mal seizure out of the blue. I was at work, walking back to my office from the bathroom and the next thing I know, I'm being roused by paramedics asking me if I can tell them my name, who the president is, what day it is. The most frightening thing about this was, that while I was lying on the floor in front of the chiropractor's office down the hall from my office, I couldn't answer any of those questions; in fact, I couldn't say anything at all for about five minutes. My brain had just completely re-booted and I was unable to do anything except try to grasp the fact that, no, it wasn't a dream and I was really in an ambulance on my way to the ER.
Now, seven months and numerous tests later, I can answer all the questions posed by the paramedics that day, but I can't tell you why I had a seizure, because we don't know. All of my tests came back normal and it was just a random, and hopefully isolated, event.
After the seizure, most of my medications were switched around, and I found myself having actual, albeit passive, suicidal thoughts. Mostly, these came in the form of feeling like I wouldn't have cared if I had been hit by a bus and was actually hoping that something horrible like that would happen to me. I knew these were not rational thoughts and, knowing this, I immediately talked to my doctor and started seeing a therapist to discuss why I would be thinking that the world would be a better place if I were not in it. For the most part, these feelings are under control and I'm happy to be where I am and doing what I'm doing, and I try to concentrate on that instead of wishing that I could just be done with everything.
Then, in June, I began having horrible abdominal pain and wound up in the ER twice in one week. After more testing, I was told that my gallbladder had gone rogue and would need to be removed. So, I underwent a laprascopic cholecystectomy in July. The worst thing about this is they wouldn't let me keep my gallbladder nor any of the pesky stones that were causing all of my problems. When I asked why I couldn't keep it, I was told that they used to let people do it, but after someone came down with salmonella after playing with their stones, they don't really do that anymore. Thanks for ruining it for the rest of us, jerks! I've recovered very well from the surgery and I am free now to eat all the fatty, greasy foods I want.
After my seizure and surgery, I slacked off on my exercise routine. Prior to all of this, I would take my two dogs for a 2.6 mile walk nearly every morning. I was feeling and looking great! But now, every time I try to walk, my back went numb and my left leg would play dead. After an MRI, I found out that I have a bulging disc in my back. I'm trying to get back into the swing of things, because I actually really enjoyed fitting into my clothes, but it's been difficult. Actually, I've completely lost all motivation to do anything remotely healthy.
So, now you're all caught up on my year of living dangerously. It has been a roller-coaster ride, for sure, but things seem to be calming down on all fronts and I really do want to start blogging regularly again, hopefully about more entertaining topics, such as a trip that Joel and I are taking to Los Angeles next week to watch the University of Utah take on UCLA in what will undoubtedly be a football game. Since I don't know much about football, that's all I can say about it. Go Utes!