sparkerly.com

I'm not so much about the "keeping everyone informed about anything" lately...

Oh, Internets!  There is so much to tell you about what's been going on!  Where to start?  Oh!  Neil Diamond!

I think that my love for Neil has been documented on this site before, specifically here and here (which is not so much about Neil-love as it is husband-love, but... moving along).  So, the concert was on December 19, 2008, which was so long ago that it was LAST YEAR!  The concert was wonderful and amazing and everything I could have wanted it to be!  I'm very glad we went.  Although, there is a story there, as there usually is when I am involved in almost anything.  It goes a little something like this:

Up past my bedtime.

Last night my friend Jen and I went to the Weezer concert!  I usually don't go in for the acronyms but: OMFG!  It was so totally awesome!  I will write a full recap with pictures (prettygood ones because we were sooooo close!) but right now I'd like to tell you about the first time I saw Weezer in concert.

The year was 1997, the place was Club DV8 in downtown Salt Lake City.  When I say the club was kind of a dump, I'm being very kind.  Don't get me wrong, I loved DV8.  I was there every Friday night to dance at 80s night and to drink Dante's wonderful alcoholic concoctions.  I have many fond memories of that place, but it was not a place in which I'd ever want to go without shoes.  Perhaps even a haz-mat suit.  Ew.

DV8 was also a pretty small venue for a concert.  This was a GA show, standing room only, so my sister and I waited in line for a couple of hours before the doors opened.  We had gotten there pretty early and we had a pretty good view of the stage, but it was still hot and stuffy and I came pretty close to fainting a couple of times.  And did I mention that it was awesome?  Well, it. was. AWESOME.

The stage was small, so there was only enough room for them and their instruments.  There weren't any fancy lights or any other special effects.  They didn't really need it, though, because all they had to do was just play and we went crazy!  We were probably only about 10 feet from the stage and everyone down in the "pit" was "moshing." (Or what passes for it in Utah.  It's really more like hopping around with some pushing thrown in for good measure.)  One of the guitarists jumped up on a speaker and danced like you wouldn't believe.  They played a really good show and it cemented my love for Rivers Cuomo.  He's so wee!  And weird!  And wonderful!

Anyway... I didn't get home until after midnight and had a hard time falling asleep because I was so wound up.  This means I'm tarred and will likely spend a good hour or two staring at the wall in my office, which is only about 15 or so minutes more than I usually spend staring at the wall, so I guess maybe things won't really be that different. 

All I Want For Christmas Are My Front Row Seats.

Neil Diamond is coming here in concert on December 19.  Just in case you are reading this and you happen to be my husband or a very, very, very, very generous friend who loves me very, very, very, very much, tickets to this concert might be at the very top of my Christmas wish-list! 

I've never seen him in concert and we all know how much I love him, don't we?  And I'm not the only one.  I can't remember a time when he has come to SLC and not sold out his concert.  People lurve him here and I can't say that I blame them.  He's freaking awesome.

So, anyway, I'm just, you know, putting that out there.  I haven't read The Secret, but I heard that that is all you have to do: tell the Universe what you want and it will come to you.  So, Universe, I had better find some tickets to Neil Diamond in my hot little hands the minute they go on sale.  If not, well, Universe, you'd better run because I'll be comin' to get you.  Don't test me, Universe.  I will cut a bitch if I have to.

My Big Fat Greek Weekend... Ok, just Saturday Night

Here in SLC, there is a Greek Festival every September and, after living here for 12 years, I thought it was finally time to go see what the hub-bub was all about.  Well, that's not exactly true.  Some of our friends called on Friday to see if we wanted to go but they didn't want to leave until 9:00 AT NIGHT.  Luckily for us, our friends are nice enough to realize that by 9:00 I've been in my pajamas for about 3 hours, so they agreed to make a change of plans and go on Saturday at the more Carrie-friendly hour of 7:00--even though they were helping someone move on Saturday and would probably be very tired.  They are truly wonderful people, no?

The big draw to this event seems to be the food, since we spent over an hour waiting in a line akin to those you find at Disneyland just to get to the food.  It was totally worth it, too, because YUM!  Everything was good, but I wish that I had just gotten a big plate of the dolmades since they were the absolute best that I've ever had and I wish I would have met them before I met Joel so I could have married them and settled down to live a long happy life with them.  You know that sound Homer Simpson makes whenever he thinks something is exceptionally tasty?  That was the sound I made after every bite of dolmades.  Except multiplied by a billion.  Also, there was baklava, which elicited a sound I usually reserve for more... um... intimate moments?

Joel seemed to like one dish more than anything else, which is why he requested that I make it tonight for dinner.  It's called Pastitsio and is basically Greek macaroni and cheese.  It was very good and I'll have to let you know whether I, who have never made it before, can make it as good as the Greek women (or men) who probably come out of the womb making it.  That is to say, don't get your hopes up, honey!

To sum up: Greek Festival = pretty damn awesome.  If I grew up with a Greek mother who could cook food like we ate on Saturday, I'd weigh 900 pounds and I would have to be lifted out of my house with a crane.

P.S.- I know I've been away for a while, so to make up for leaving the 5 of you reading this here blog on the edge of your seats thinking that I must have been dragged away by a black bear or something, this week, I will try to post on days that end with "ee."  If you live outside of the great state of Utah, you might think that this means I will not be posting at all, ever.  Never fear: in Utah, all days end with "ee."  For example, today is "Mundee" and tomoroww is "Twosdee."  The only exception is Sunday, which is called "The Lord's Day," so I'll be taking that off because of the Lord.  If you have a problem with that, take it up with him.  I don't make the rules.

Oh, Boise!

Yesterday morning I flew up to Boise for a hearing and I only got to stay there for about 9 hours, which is sad because I really like Boise.  No, really!  I've only been there a couple of times, but I had so much fun and I remember it fondly as the city where I was able to touch Chris Isaak.  And also the city where I was able to get not one, but TWO free hot dogs from a street vendor! 

I just can't get enough.

Last night I got to go to dinner and a movie with two very good friends.  We saw "Son of Rambow" which was very good!  I had heard that it was a remake of First Blood, except with kids.  While that would have been totally awesome, that's not really what the movie was about.  It was about a little boy, Will, who is trying to deal with the death of his dad and being the odd man out because his family is part of a religious group called "The Bretheren", so he has to do things like leave the room when they watch TV in class because his family doesn't watch TV. 

He becomes friends with another kid, who is trying to make a movie for a TV contest, and they end up starting to make a movied called "Son of Rambow," which, at the beginning, consists of the two little boys by themselves.  Later on, more and more people hear about it, including a French foreign exchange student who was the epitome of 1980s New Wave Eurotrash (think a mix between Flock of Seagulls and Robert Smith with a dash of Depeche Mode), and the whole thing just goes out of control and the non-religious kid gets mad at the religious kid because he's acting all hoity-toity with the Frenchman and whatnot.  Then the non-religious kid saves the religious kid and gets hurt in the process and then they become friends again at the end. 

I could be a little more detailed but (1) I am not a movie critic and (2) I'm tired.  I will say that my favorite part were the scenes where the younger kids were hanging out with the older kids and they were playing Siouxie, and Depeche Mode, and the Cure, and Duran Duran.  There were scratch and sniff stickers, and those smelly erasers, and pop rocks which they were eating WITH SODA and they didn't explode!  You guys, I'm telling you, the '80s were filled with rainbows and unicorns and awesome music.  Those were the days, my friends.  Those were the days. 

On my ratings scale, it was a "I would have liked it even if I hadn't been a little tipsy."  That means you should go see it or put it on Netflix or rent it from Blockbuster Video or however it is that you see movies.  BONUS: all the kids in it are British, so they have those cute accents and if you don't want to go to England immediately and have babies so they talk like that, then you have no soul.

Ok, please don't hate me for this...

but I didn't love the Sex and the City movie.  Don't get me wrong!  It was exactly what I expected it to be.  It had some very funny parts and very touching parts (that sounds dirty, but it's totally not, you perv!), but overall it was just ok for me, dawgs.  My rating for this movie: meh.  (Just for your information, "meh" is part of my comedy film rating system and is a notch above "snooze" and a couple below "pee pants.") 

The first problem I had with it (and with the show, really) were the clothes.  There were so many times during the movie that the clothes were just so ridiculous that it completely took me out of the story and drove me into having an aneurysm-ville.  Like that big ass flower (even bigger and assier than the ones on the small screen version) on Carrie's dress at the beginning, or the fact that Carrie was shown wearing a bead necklace to bed in at least two scenes.  All I could think was that it would get all tangled up in her hair and how would she get it out and it was totally distracting!  Some of the clothes were fantastic (mostly Charlotte's) and didn't make me want to hunt down Patricia Field and vomit all over her to see if she'd somehow try to turn it into the next fashion trend.  I wouldn't put it past her.  Mostly, though, the clothes were not my favorite.

The second problem was that I think I sprained my eyeballs because of the constant rolling brought on by some of the crap they were saying.  Again, this was also a problem I had with the show sometimes.  I think they just try a little too hard to make things funny?  They use a lot of puns?  I don't know.  It might be less the writing than the delivery in some cases.  For some reason, everything that Kim Cattrall says just sounds played and like she's completely overacting it.  Again, there were some lines and dialogue that were great and perfect, but too often it was just not my cup of tea.

Thirdly, the length.  It was over two hours.  Two hours and 15 minutes.  That's about 45 minutes too long.  This would have been fine if there had actually been that much story to fill it, but there wasn't.  Like, for example, the Jennifer Hudson storyline.  It felt completely superfluous and tacked on.  I understand that it was meant to move the story forward, but it was so obvious that that was the only reason it was included that it made it difficult for me to care.  

Which brings me to my final problem, I think they wasted a lot of talent in not using the supporting characters more.  For example, I love Jennifer Hudson.  I was very sad when she was voted off American Idol and I cried (CRIED) with joy and pride when she won the Oscar.  So, I was disappointed to see how she was underutilized.  This goes for Candice Bergen, Mario Cantone, Willie Garson, and Evan Handler.  I know that the movie was about Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda, but isn't there a way to work some good stuff in there for the other great actors and comedians who helped to make the show so wonderful?  Really?  Instead of showing Samantha's neighbor screwing his way through the fake boob brigade, maybe they could have written something great for Stanford Blatch.  It seems more like these people were accessories, like Carrie's shoes and bags, instead of characters that actually have something to add to the story.

I understand why the show was so popular and why the movie has done so well.  I think that the show was great and funny and I enjoyed watching it.  For me, though, the movie was just too much of a good thing.  However, take everything I've said with a grain of salt because I am, after all, the girl who has admitted to loving "Undercover Brother."  So, my opinion shouldn't count for that much.

Things of Note I Saw This Weekend

1. A guy wearing a skirt (which may have been a kilt, but it was made of denim, so I say it was a skirt).
2. Old man with custom motorcycle, red acid-wash jeans, younger "ladyfriend" with hoochie mama shorts, and stickers on the motorcycle reading "Girlfriends Suck" and "Orgasm Donor."
3. Fat chihuahua.
4. "Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story" (Which we thought was really funny!  You should watch it! Although, beware: Full Frontal Male Nudity on quite a few occasions.  What is with Judd Apatow and his fascination with showing penises (penii?) in movies.  It was the same thing with "Forgetting Sarah Marshall.")**
5. Guy who may have been in drag, but I couldn't really tell because he was only wearing hip-hugging bell bottoms, chandelier earrings, platform boots, and a belly shirt instead of some fabulous dress and a pink wig.  It could have just been a really mannish lady, but I doubt it.
6. Girl sunbathing in Liberty Park complete with tiny bikini AND chaise lawn chair that she brought to the park herself.
7. "Before the Devil Knows You're Dead" a.k.a. most depressing movie ever.  Not sad, mind you, but just full of stuff that made me think that life is just shitty.  Shitty shitty shitty.  I should have just turned it off at the beginning because the first scene was Phillip Seymour Hoffman having sex with Marissa Tomei and watching himself in the mirror and, yes, it was as disgusting as it sounds.  I had to claw my eyes out and pour bleach in there to clean my brain and I STILL have the feeling that I need to throw up a little bit.  Yuck.  I love PSH, but I could do without seeing his ass.
8. The cutest little house in Sugarhouse that I loved on the website but, in actuality, was made for people much shorter than my husband.  He had to fold himself in half in order to get down the stairs to the basement or through any of the doors.  I really liked that house, but I guess we'll just have to keep looking.  Thanks for being so tall, Joel.  Thanks a whole bunch.

**Walk Hard was pretty funny. The sheer amount of cameos in that movie was unbelieveable!  Jack White as Elvis. Jack Black as Paul McCartney. Paul Rudd as John Lennon. Jason Schwartzman as Ringo Starr. Justin Long as the other Beatle.  Lyle Lovett, Jewel, and Jackson Browne singing together.  Eddie Vedder, the Temptations, Jonah Hill, Patrick Duffy and Morgan Fairchild as themselves.  It was truly amazing.

Leaving Home

Last night, I actually got out of the house!  You see, Joel and I don't get out all that often.  I mean, we'll go to parties or out to dinner at a fancy restaurant (read: we make a run for the border), but for the most part we stick around the house.  This is mainly because I get cranky if I'm out of my comfy pants for a long time.  Also, I get tired and start throwing tantrums around 9:30, and it just gets embarrassing.  You might think this is kind of sad and say, "Carrie, you need to get out more often!  You're almost a shut-in!"  To which I'd reply, "We actually prefer to be called hermits.  It's much more dignified."

But last night was different because we went to a Jazz game!  Joel's sister was taking her husband for his birthday, so we went along as well.  Also along for the ride were Joel's nephew, who is 14, and his sister's stepson, who is 8.  So, without further adieu, here are the details of "Joel and Carrie's Big Night Out 2008!"

Before the game, we went to dinner at a nice Italian restaurant close to our house.  I, of course, ordered a glass of white wine to drink with my dinner.  After the waiter brought the wine, I noticed Joel's step-nephew kind of looking at my glass with curiosity.  The next time the waiter came to the table, he pointed at my glass and said, "I want some of that, please."  We explained that Aunt Carrie was drinking Jesus juice and he wasn't holy enough to drink it yet.  But, I ended up giving it to him anyway because alcohol+kids= drunken hilarity!  I'm kidding!  I wouldn't give wine to an 8-year-old!  That would just be wasting it, and everybody knows I hate to waste good wine.  Oh, and it's also wrong, with a capital WRONG.

Since we got kind of a late start, the game had already started when we finished dinner.  By the time we finally got to the game, the second period was ending and the half-time "show" was starting. 

Said "show" consisted of one act: "Rubber Boy."  As his name implies, "Rubber Boy" is really bendy.  First, he popped out of this tiny box and then he wiggled his way through a tennis racket and a toilet seat.  Really.  It was gross.  He could also put both legs behind his head and bend himself into all other sorts of positions.  I think, if he tried hard enough, he could have given himself oral pleasure.  That's a whole different kind of show, though, and fortunately he refrained from showcasing that particular talent.

The rest of the game was great.  The Jazz won, handily defeating the Bulls by a large margin.  At one point the Jazz Bear (who I hate with fiery passion of a thousand burning suns) was standing on a ladder and slipped, landing squarely on his nuts.  While this was probably part of the act, I like to think that it means the Jazz Bear won't be creating any mascot demon spawn anytime soon.

The most interesting part for me was the music.  I started to wonder whether the guy in charge of the music had severe ADD because they'd only play about 5-10 seconds of any individual song before moving on to the next.  Within the span of 5 minutes, I heard the following:

• "Wild Thing" by Tone Loc.
• "Car Wash" by Rose Royce
• "Pump It" by Black Eyed Peas
• "We Will Rock You" by Queen
• "In da club" by Fiddy Cent
• "Blitzkrieg Bop" by The Ramones
• "Gonna make you sweat" by C+C Music Factory

And this was all in addition to the regular organ music, like "Mexican Hat Dance" and "duh-duh-duh-da-duh-da... CHARGE!" and the "De-Fence, clap-clap" stuff.  I understand the reason behind this; it keeps things moving and gets people all riled up because they can just play the catchy part of the song.  But it really gets annoying!  I would get all geared  up to start belting out "Car Wash" and they'd start doing the whole "De-Fence" crap and then they'd move on to Tone Loc...  I think I might have had a seizure at some point.

Most importantly, though, I found out they've got pink jerseys that say "Boozer" on the back.  I'm planning to get one soon because I think they are awesome!  I mean, I know they're really for Carlos Boozer, but they're just so descriptive of me!  Plus, if I have an official "boozer" uniform I could finally be considered a professional.

Overall, we had a great time! We were in excellent company, nobody threw any tantrums (including me), and we were home by 10:00!  In this hermit's opinion, it was pretty much the perfect night!  I can only hope that next year's Big Night Out is just as fun!  Until then, however, if you need me I'll be here at home, wearing my comfy pants.  But don't call after 9:30 because I need my beauty sleep!