We're going on a trip! Tomorrow evening, Joel and I will head out to Portland, OR to visit Joel's brother and his brother's husband. I'm sure it will be a very fun trip and I already have researched a ton of stuff to do (including a BEER FESTIVAL, about which I almost peed myself with excitement when I found out it was happening the weekend we're there) and I'm excited to see my brothers-in-law. So, that's that... except... I'm filled with dread about it. Not the trip itself, because I think that will be fun, but I'm filled with dread about what will be going on here while I'm gone.
When we planned this trip all the way back in April, I had nothing going on. Just business as usual. However, May, June, and July have just been SLAMMED and it doesn't show any signs of slowing down. Add this to the fact that I inadvisedly scheduled two hearings first thing in the morning the day after I get back, and you get an anxiety-ridden Carrie who just knows that the shit-storm facing her when she returns may not be worth the actual taking of the vacation. I'm going to do my best to just let it all go, but it's hard.
This may have to do with the fact that the last time I went on a trip to Portland, I got fired from my job 3 days after getting back. I doubt this will happen at my current place of employment, but the fear still lingers; the fear that I'll have forgotten something really important, something that only I can take care of or I'm the only one who can remember or I'm the only one who knows anything about it because I forgot to write notes or tell someone about it... because apparently I'm the center of the office universe and nothing can be done without me.
But, this isn't true at all! There are very fine people here who can pretty much do anything I can do (better), but the worry is still there. The anxiety about it is just sitting in the back of my head, smoking a cigarette, waiting until the most inopportune time to bust out with a panic attack. I don't know if I'll be able to forget about what's happening at the office while I'm hanging out at the replica of Stonehenge, but I'm going to give it my best shot. I think the beer will help. And I hear Oregon has some pretty awesome wine country, too... maybe it won't be so bad after all? In fact, I think I have a solution: never come home. Right? No? Damn.
See you in a week!